Carmen Colas (they/them) is the founder of LSD, Montreal's Lesbian Speed Dating event series. LSD is in its third year now, and while previous events have been held at NDQ, this edition will be held online on August 28th.

Carmen is a 30-year-old, mixed-race (White/Black/Indigenous), DJ, musician, event promoter, radio host, and writer. They are a self-described, "Chronically ill, trauma baby, and quintuple Cancer/Leo cusp." Carmen strives to promote healing and space for the people who have struggled to exist within the lesbian community. We caught up with them to chat about lesbian and queer culture, and connecting with community.

CW: Trauma related to homophobia

Malaika for Also Cool: How did LSD start? What inspired you, and what do you hope the event offers the community?

Carmen: Lesbian Speed Dating came from a very charged momentum, which is more relevant than ever in these current pandemic times and social justice evolution climate.

How does one respect the legacy of history and individual identity while welcoming change, struggle, fluidity and room for exploration? How does one expand on the narrative that has been very one-dimensional and reductive for many, without erasing a very valid and singular experience? How do you create a lesbian space that goes beyond the white cis golden star narrative? How do you create a lesbian space with room for those who have no experience, or who have been confused/rejected/unsafe to come out or insecure and struggling to embody their truth?

How do you create space for trans women attempting to exist in lesbian spaces for the first time, and who come accompanied by a myriad of valid and complex fears? How do you create a lesbian space that acknowledges that many trans men have held a deep connection to lesbian spaces for many years, but who no longer feel relevant or welcome in these spaces now? How do you create a lesbian space that acknowledges that lesbians from previous generations don’t have anywhere to go to meet people and feel too old and too dated to exist in current lesbian spaces? How do you create a space for older lesbians who spent many years existing in lesbian bars and now struggle to find platforms to exist in, now that lesbian bars have become obsolete? Especially since some don’t necessarily have the knowledge and tools to comprehend the concept of trans and non-binary identity.

How do you create a lesbian space while acknowledging the disposability culture and compulsory hyper-sexualization of our community? How do you create a lesbian space while acknowledging fatphobia, ableism without having experienced these issues yourself?

These were all important questions that existed within me for many years. My experience with coming to terms with my identity was very non-linear. It was laced with racial, gender, sexual, emotional, and physical traumas.

Being able to fully embody your identity comes with a lot of barriers and challenges. Whether there are cultural barriers, like coming from a culture that does not accept homosexuality and remaining closeted to save your own life. It can be societal where you are born into a society that does not teach you that being gay, non-binary, and/or trans are real options for you. Or when your gender and sexuality are not yours to have, that an agenda is expected from you.

Rejecting people who have been through some heavy stuff to get to a point where they can be their best / full / honest selves — is violent. The whole purpose of this event is to make room for this journey that most of us go through as queers. The gruelling moment when you realize that society was not made for you and does not think about you when it embodies its structures. The feeling that certain labels don’t serve you and instead conditioning you to feeling inadequate, ostracized and imperfect.

I fought very hard to say the word lesbian out loud while talking about myself. I’ve been attacked, rejected from my family, have suffered gay interventions at school or via my parents, ridiculed, shamed for my compulsory heterosexuality, sexually assaulted by cis men and called a tease. I've been very depressed from not satisfying my true needs and identities. I've been punished by lesbian spaces for not having had the luxury of being a lesbian at a very young age, and for not having the experiences that many lesbians have until much later in life.

If we’re going to grow as a community, we need to acknowledge the global lesbian experience. We need to acknowledge heteronormativity, the patriarchy, violence, transphobia, homophobia, and cisnormativity. We need to acknowledge white supremacy, xenophobia, white privilege. We need to acknowledge fatphobia, ableism, ageism and this permeating fear of fluidity and non-linear experience.

LESBIAN is a valid identity, and I do not wish to take this away from its history and general interpretation. I just think that a lot of us have suffered trying to exist within this community without feeling like a failure. This is where my motivation came from. If I had the opportunity to exist in a platform like this one, I could have thrived as a teenager. I might even be a gold star lesbian, who knows. But circumstance is a thing. Privilege is a thing. Timing is a thing. Fear for your life and wellbeing is a thing, and so are non-binary and trans lesbians!

As a human and a host, I have struggled with imposter syndrome due to my experiences and realities. This event has been healing for me in a big way. It hasn't always been a perfect journey, but I think there should be room for mistakes, growth, healing and coming to terms with a peculiar form of grief. Grief that comes from all those years you spent struggling and denying yourself from being your fullest, truest and best self.

Also Cool: What have your events been like in the past, and how are you adapting to this new age of digital event production? What can we expect from this online edition of LSD?

Carmen: In the past, the platform was in physical form, so it was very different indeed! Not for the faint of heart, people would have up to 20-50 dates in one night, of about 3-4 minutes long each. Sometimes the event was so crowded that we couldn’t get everyone to meet everyone, but it was a great excuse to fill up the queer bar with the right kinda people.

It has been an absolute chaotic joy to witness the variety of people coming through, and the variety of social skills, flirting approaches and styles. It has also been an immense pleasure to help out the shy lesbians who are terrified of existing in lesbian spaces. It has been one of my most rewarding experiences. Since the beginning of this event, there have been three weddings and proposals, which is also amazing to witness.

The adjustment to transitioning online has been weird and labour intensive. Trying to figure out and adjust to what people’s needs are in a pandemic setting, while trying to unpack our community’s traumas. I decided to use Facebook as a platform because it was the most “accessible,” in my mind. (As far as visually being able to adjust font sizes, being familiar with the format, being able to use it on a computer or phone, and preserving anonymity.)

My take was trying to offer ambiguous results without the shallow scope of disposability/vapidity and projections. What happens when you can’t judge a book by its cover, and can’t project what someone looks like because all you have is their mind? An interesting concept to attempt, in my opinion. We’ll just have to wait and see what it creates.

AC: What would your advice be to the baby queers, who are too shy to go to LSD for the first time, but really want to try?

Carmen: This particular event is PERFECT for shy people since you are anonymous and hidden. The online messaging format is great for going over your words, thinking about your answers, taking in all the emotions in privacy without the pressure of immediacy or someone staring at you. You can experiment with your desires and feelings without the anxiety of bumping into them IRL, having mutual friends, or projecting insecurities about yourself onto someone else because you’re nervous.

This is your chance to just be yourself and pick brains with someone else in an anonymous, ambiguous and no-pressure way. Revealing yourself is your own choice, at your own pace, and within the realms of your consent.

AC: How is LSD breaking down negative stereotypes and behaviours within the lesbian community?

Carmen: Honestly, I’m just trying to offer a lesbian space that acknowledges non-linear journeys, struggles, and barriers. I want to promote the notion that you can be a lesbian with no experience at any age. That you can struggle to reach a point where you feel safe and good about being a lesbian. That you can be non-binary and be a lesbian, you can be trans and be a lesbian. That European standards of beauty do not define what being a lesbian looks like, and that being a lesbian is more than just being “femme” or “butch” That being a lesbian can mean being aromantic/asexual. That being a lesbian can be difficult as much as it can be easy. That lesbians can be disabled, fat, chronically ill, neurodivergent, immunocompromised, healing from trauma, grieving…

There are so many different types of people with different realities, perspectives, backgrounds, and journeys, who can be and are lesbians. There needs to be room for that. There needs to be dialogue around this as a community, so that we stop policing each other into shame and ostracizing each other. It's a very touchy, messy, complicated and layered work to do. I’ve learned a lot over these past three years. It hasn't always been perfect, but it's been extremely eye-opening and rewarding.

ALSO it would be RUDE and messed up to not acknowledge the work being done by so many platforms, festivals, and event series in Montreal alongside this event. Many people are doing this work as well, and I am not the first, last or only one doing it.

AC: What’s the best way to support LSD right now?

Carmen: The only support this event needs is community presence. I’ve always maintained this project with the hopes that it helps people connect. Whether that's falling in love, exploring their sexuality, making friends, finding community, or healing from their individual journeys that led them to take up space here and now.

An important step to upholding the values I seek to instil in this event, is to donate money to the LSD Night Blind Date Bonanza Fundraiser. The fundraiser will be redirected to Taking What We Need about a week after the event is over. You can make a personal donation or participate in this event, and your cover charge will be used as a donation. You can also purchase some pre-sale LSD Night Blind Date Bonanza tote bags and t-shirts (sizes small to XXXL)

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Photo provided by Vice Versa Productions, by Bouchra

You may know Vice Versa Productions from their iconic lesbian* event series BLUSH, or maybe you saw us on the dance floor during our collaborative event back in January. Either way, they’re hosting another queer dance party with LSD Night called Queerantine this week. But this time, it’s on the Internet.

Avery, Vice Versa Productions’ co-founder talks about Queerantine, how you can support their community & the magic of the gay internet.

Buy tickets here, check out the Facebook event here.

Malaika Astorga for Also Cool: Tell us a bit about how Vice Versa Productions got started, and why you're hosting Queerantine.

Avery for Vice Versa Productions: Hi! Thanks for having me. I'm Avery, one of the co-founders of Vice Versa Productions, along with my beautiful co-producer, Élyanne. About a year ago, Élyanne sent me a Facebook message asking if I wanted to collaborate on a burlesque show with an entirely queer cast. I replied, "I've already booked NDQ for this exact concept and was about to ask if you wanted to help me host." From there, a synergistic magical queer baby was born. We run two bi-monthly events, Queerlesque Night, (the aforementioned queer burlesque show), and BLUSH, (a lesbian* dance party), and have tons more ventures planned. Queerantine is our effort to bring the queer community together during this crazy time and raise money for our most vulnerable. The Vice Versa mission is to build connections throughout the queer community, and this event is our way of doing that when people really need it the most.

Also Cool: You're known for your iconic BLUSH dance parties. How would you describe your parties and performances to someone who really wants to come, but is too shy/hesitant to dive into the world of queer nightlife?

Avery: I always get the same comment from people after a BLUSH: "That was so cute!" If I had to describe it succinctly, the vibe we're trying to create is a supportive, safe space where artists can experiment, and queers can dance and mingle, and no one feels judged. I wanted to make a high concept dance party with more than just a DJ, but that feels welcoming to, say, a "baby gay" who wants to kiss her first girl on the dancefloor under soft pink lights.

The focus is really on getting people to dance, that's why we have gogo dancers and bring a wide variety of queer DJs. BLUSH started out as a disco party, but now the only rules are no techno and no top 40. When I created BLUSH, I was coming from the queer party scene. In Montreal, it often ends up being very alternative, borrowing from the 90s club kid and Berlin fetish scene aesthetics, meaning it's a very "see and be seen" atmosphere. I love dressing up to the nines when I go out, but I think that vibe can be really alienating for people, especially younger people and people who are new to going out.

AC: How do you choose your performers and keep the party safe(r) for party-goers?

Avery: We run half on an open call-out, and half on a "I've been listening to this person's SoundCloud for seven days we must book them," basis. Open call-outs allow us to discover new artists and to uphold our mission of fostering new queer creatives. Queerantine was booked entirely through an open call. It's so exciting because DJ Trinidaddy, who I've been trying to get the funds to bring from Ottawa forever, reached out through the call out, so I'm finally getting the chance to work with him. Magic does happen on the gay internet. We strongly encourage any queer artists, especially QTBIPOC, who wanna dance or DJ for us to reach out and introduce themselves because we're always looking for new talent.

To make the space safer and more inclusive, we make sure to focus on booking QTBIPOC and offering free entrance to indigenous folks and reduced rates to folks of colour. I personally feel alienated when I attend a lesbian party, and a (cis-presenting) man is DJing. I can only imagine the alienation felt by QTBIPOC when the entire line up at party is white. You can't expect marginalized people to feel welcome in a space if you're not supporting marginalized artists. We're putting our money where our mouth is, so to speak. On a more surface-level version of safety, I've always got my Naloxone on me. The entire team has taken PLURI workshops, which is an organization that promotes consent in parties and cruising spaces. Check them out if you're interested in learning more about safer partying tactics!

AC: How are you integrating these values and priorities into Queerantine?

Avery: Hosting a party online is a huge learning curve. How do you moderate creeps without policing? How do you support sex-positivity and individuality without exposing people to things they don't want to see onscreen? It's a real balancing act. So as far as my PLURI training goes? We'll see…

As far as making the space inclusive, we have a $5 suggested donation to QTBIPOC, who are disproportionately affected by the COVID-19 as opposed to the suggested $10 for white people. All of the money raised after paying the artists in our lineup is going to Taking What We Need (an organization that helps low-income trans women) and to queer artists and sex workers on a $100 per person, no-questions-asked basis. For more information on how we're distributing funds, check out our GoFundMe or reach out to us on Facebook!

AC: What kind of community have you found through these parties, and how have they changed your lives for the better?

Avery: I think parties are a crucial part of building queer community. The lack of a specific lesbian* bar in the city leaves a gap to be bridged in the lesbian* community, which is even more prevalent now that we're confined at home.

BLUSH has helped me build the kind of space that I have always searched for in Montreal, and we're always getting feedback from people who feel the same. We're trying to build bridges between the lesbian* community and the queer community, the Franco community and the Anglo community, and that's not always easy, but it's definitely super rewarding. Our company exists at the intersection of these things that often present a lot of friction to each other, so making that space is a huge personal win. It's hard to meet other queer people, especially other lesbians* because the tropes about them staying home are tbh. Plus, not everyone feels like they can have an authentic connection from dating apps, so we're trying to make something that will inspire people to get out and build community. It's funny to say that now since we're hosting a party online. However, I think there's still the possibility for a meetup in the world of Zoom, or at least to feel close to the friends you're isolated from.

AC: Time to address the elephant in the room, how has COVID-19 affected your personal lives, and your event organization? What are the positives that you hope will emerge from this situation?

Avery: Oof, this is a big question. The crisis has really pushed us to reevaluate our goals and work on building a more solid foundation for our company. We had a lot of exciting plans lined up before COVID-19 that we have to put on hold. Still, we're using the time to work on building our social media and fostering relationships with artists. It's a time to slow down and reframe and focus on our company's main goal: building community.

AC: How have you been finding community and comfort lately? On the Internet and IRL.

Avery: I'm a huge extrovert and require human connection to keep my energy up, so it's been hard to stay motivated during all this. I've been having lots of video calls with my dear friends and dove into the queer rave paradise that is Club Quarantine (editor’s note: stay tuned for an upcoming feature) last weekend. It's exciting to see queers take the forefront in community building during crises. Shout out to my beautiful, patient girlfriend who puts up with my bullshit in our 3 ½ every day, and for not judging me when I put on the same playlist for the 4th time in a row. (I'm just really feeling it right now, okay!?)

AC: Okay, back to the fun stuff. Tell us a bit about the performers who are a part of Queerantine.

Avery: I'm actually screaming this lineup is SUCH a dream! To me, this lineup exemplifies what I love about Vice Versa parties. It features three DJs who I've been absolutely dying to work with, and two DJs that I got to discover through putting this event together, as well as a sexy mix of veteran and virgin gogos.

Starting the night off, we have DJ Sac Banane, who mixes local underground artists and queer artists from across the globe, and who might change my mind about techno. Am I ready!? Next, we have DJ HeidyP, coming all the way from Portugal, which is absolutely insane! Heidy and I have been in contact trying to line up a BLUSH during one of her returns to Montreal, so I'm so happy it's finally working out. Then we have DJ LYKX who is going to bring all the reggaeton and dancehall my (and your!!) heart desires. We also have DJ Trinidaddy, who I was gushing about before, one of my absolute DJ coupe-de-coeurs. Finishing off the night, we have Montreal-based powerhouse and multi-talented icon, Janette King, doing a DJ set. Our gogos come from a wide variety of backgrounds, burlesque dancers, strippers, drag artists, musicians, and general hot people, you can check them out on our insta and give them some love.

AC: How are you supporting/paying your performers for this event? How do you suggest others support event coordinators, performers and creatives during this time?

Avery: We have a GoFundMe where people can donate to receive the Zoom link. It's pretty similar to a normal party with payment, but usually the money we make goes back into the company to pay future artists or towards venue rental. What's different about this one is that we'll be donating the excess to other queer artists and SWs who have lost their principal incomes as a result of COVID-19.

As far as supporting artists, absolutely donate, there are lots of options, including Queerantine, the Also Cool artist fund, Taking What We Need, and many more. Creatives don't choose these careers because we plan to get rich, we do it out of love. So, come out to the online events, watch people's live streams, commission people, buy art from people's Patreons, their Bandcamp, their Etsy, their merch websites, if you have the means. Now is the time to show the creative people in your life that you support them.

AC: Lastly, if you were to describe Queerantine's party vibe as a party-goer, what would they look like?

Avery: You know how we all found out we were queer because of Tumblr (or MySpace if you a freak)? It's kind of like that, but with better fashion and way better music taste.

Photos by Bouchra, provided by Vice Versa Productions

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Malaika Astorga is a Mexican-Canadian visual artist, writer, editor, & event coordinator. She is one of the co-founders of Also Cool, and wants to go to as many online dance parties as possible.

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